The Personal Touch: Four Ways to Enhance Your Listening Skills
September 01, 2008
"You're not listening to me!"
By Jeff Schmitt
Have you ever heard these words from a customer? They certainly get our attention. Even more, they force us to step back and ask some uncomfortable questions. What did I say or do to alienate this person? What verbal cues did I miss? Did I put my agenda above his or her needs? Have I made other customers feel the same way?
Our customers are no different than ourselves. They crave someone who understands them, sympathizes with their difficulties and values their input. Most of all, customers expect a resolution. By sharpening our listening skills, we can better pinpoint our customers' concerns—and find solutions that address their real problems.
In theory, listening seems easy enough. Just sit there and soak in what someone says. In reality, variables ranging from our jaded attitudes to customer quirks often inhibit our ability to listen. To counter these distractions, apply these strategies:
1. Know yourself. Take an inventory. What behaviors strike a nerve with you? Do you grow testy when people aren't succinct? Or, do your emotions boil when customers project their frustrations onto you? Before you field a call, identify conduct that might distract you. Then, prepare yourself to engage individuals who exhibit those behaviors.
While taking stock, examine your environment. Are certain pressures—attaining quota, reducing talk time, meeting deadlines—taking precedence over building rapport and solving problems? By identifying your weaknesses, you can consciously curb attitudes and actions that might alienate customers.
2. Focus on the other person. Let it all go for the moment. Shut off the cell phone. Close the door. Tune out all the noise and motion around you. Suppress your natural desire to start speaking or (worse) selling. Let the other party talk, accuse or even threaten. Let them wear themselves down. Keep an open mind, manage your emotions and don't jump to conclusions. Take your self-interest out of the equation.
Behave like you have a surplus of time. And when your customers are speaking, focus on them. Smother that temptation to formulate your responses while they are still talking. Always focus on the big picture: establishing goodwill and trust, fixing the problem and salvaging the relationship.
3. Be the person they want you to be. People have an innate yearning to be understood. They crave importance, a voice, undivided attention. In a world of posers and users, they want people who are consistent and show genuine concern.
In any conflict, always be thinking in terms of perception. In The Great Gatsby, Nick Carraway forges a bond with Jay Gatsby, despite his unsavory mob ties. Why would Carraway suspend moral judgment? Maybe it had something to do with Gatsby's smile:
It faced—or seemed to face—the whole external world for an instant and then concentrated on you with an irresistible prejudice in your favor. It understood you just as far as you wanted to be understood, believed in you as you would like to believe in yourself and assured you that it had precisely the impression of you that at your best you hoped to convey.
To Carraway, Gatsby had an openness, an aura that conveyed that he was the most important person in the room. He came away with the perception that he shared a secret bond and deeper connection with Gatsby. He made Carraway feel like he saw him at his best.
It's no different with customers. How people think you perceive them has an impact on how they view you. That's why you must always come across as authentic, attentive, accepting and comforting. Sustain eye contact. Watch your body language: smile, maintain an open posture, lean forward. Take notes, too. Like Gatsby, give that extra moment, kind word and personal warmth to make others feel special. It goes a long way.
Similarly, speak at a measured, soothing pace, in a tone tailored to the other party’s personality. Allow interruptions initially, since the response helps you key on underlying issues. React to ideas only, not tone. Be clear that there are no repercussions for honest dialogue—and live by it.
Most important, empathize with the other person. Offer sympathy. Validate their emotions, even certain opinions. Share a similar experience from your life if warranted. Just be careful: some people will claim you are not listening when they really mean that you're not adopting their viewpoint.
4. Understand and solve the problem. Always be looking for clues to what's truly troubling your customers. Does their inflection or posture shift as they present particular ideas or experiences? Do they keep coming back to specific words or motifs?
To flush out their points of pain or motives, repeat back their words. Paraphrase to confirm your understanding. Ask them to repeat themselves to ensure you didn’t miss anything. Deliberately distort their ideas slightly to get them off balance and broaden the dialogue.
Similarly, ask questions to ensure your interpretation is correct. Use open-ended questions to have them explore their core assumptions and disagreements. Take nothing for granted. Ask for clarifications, to make them think everything through. Keep them talking while you patiently rope-a-dope. Occasionally interject with phrases like "I know what you mean" to give them the confidence to further confide in you.
At this point, you should know what they want out of the conversation. Now, it is time for you to deliver. Some will want a full-fledged solution, replete with benchmarks and timelines. For others, the intent was simply to vent, to find solace, to be recognized for their value and hardships. As the conversation winds down, float out test balloons—potential scenarios and solutions. Offer a concession (or two) to give the other party a win. Find common ground. Set up action plans and a time for follow up.
Most important, say "Thank you" when it is done. So many times, customers lack the courage to come forward as a problem festers. It is truly a compliment when they give you an opportunity to listen and save the relationship.
S&MM online columnist Jeff Schmitt is a consultant from Dubuque, IA. His column, "The Personal Touch," is designed to help managers and professionals step back and evaluate how they think, interact and work. His e-mail is jschmittdbq@mchsi.com.
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